Some Personal Updates

February.16.2009 at 12:01 am Leave a comment

Dear Journal,

Geez, March is only 2 weeks away … time flies … so onto some juicy gossip (or lack of) in my life. I’m letting you guy’s know first that this is a long post .. so you might want to get in a comfortable place or come back to read the rest.

Part of it are updates and part of it is getting things off my chest. To those who actually read the entire post, props to you … really, I’ll give you guys the high five now *high five*

Yeah .. two posts in one night … amazing huh?

Conversation with the Sister
I was telling my sister today how I tried to go without cable for a week (apparently she had a good time in Vegas) and that it didn’t really go well as planned.

She could do it, so why not me? Well because school keeps her busy constantly so she has no time to watch television.

I was fine during the weekday because by the time I get home it’s already Prime time television. It was hard on Friday since it was my day off and there’s not much to watch during the afternoon.

I excruciatingly made it through it, but then by night I said screw it and started watching glorious cable! Oh how I missed my John and Kate Plus 8, my Start Trek: TNG Monday’s, my Star Wars: The Clone Wars cartoon series. Damn you addicting cable!!

We also talked about my noisy neighbor and that I wanted to be loud too. She was saying, “Why? That’s really petty, you should just talk to him about it or something”.

She’s really blunt with me at times, which is why I ask her for advice occasionally. There aren’t that many people in my life who can be that honest with me, maybe one or two.

The truth hurts, but I know it’s coming from a good place when a friend tries to tell you about it.

Maybe We’ll Go House Hunting Next Year
My apartment lease is up in 2 months and I went to discuss house hunting with my parents. I went to tell mom first about my idea and she wasn’t particularly thrilled about it. We talked a little more about it, but then I stopped because I could tell she didn’t want to.

During lunch I asked mom again if we could maybe start looking at houses because dad was there, he’ll help me find and get one, but mom has to agree with the decision as well.

Dad was talking to mom about it and I could tell she didn’t want to discuss it further, she kind of put her foot down and we dropped the subject.

It was a pretty silent and awkward lunch. So for the time being casa la “A” will be the apartment, I want to stay at my current complex, but we’ll have to see about my rent and that damn neighbor of mine.

Focusing and Trying to Help Out
I mentioned before about a previous co-worker contacting me about advice on finding a job after graduating college. He emailed me his resume last Thursday. I don’t know exactly what he wants to do nor what area he’s interested in.

So it’s difficult for me to focus his resume on a particular position. His plan is to find a internship and then study abroad in Asia or Europe. I don’t know if he’s serious about it or it’s just all talk.

I called my sister for advice and was discussing his resume with her. I don’t understand why he’s trying to find an internship, I mean that’s something you do during your sophomore / junior year.

I asked him on the phone why he’s doing that and not finding a full-time job. His reasoning was that he just wanted a position so he could fill up his resume with other work experience. I’m thinking that’s fine, but he could have done that 2 years ago.

His only work experience is his current job, but he didn’t really put much thought into it. It’s really broad and general, and not too specific in details, and I know he’s capable of doing better.

Basically it’s like he procrastinated or didn’t bother and he’s playing catch up, but it’s too late. That’s the truth and I hope he can handle that. If he does find a job, it might not be exactly what he’s looking for or happy in doing.

So I wrote comments on his resume and emailed it back to him. He wants to come over tomorrow night and work on something else, even though it’s Monday .. I really don’t mind, I just don’t want to give him bad advice is all.

We talked for about 20 minutes and he asked about my friend James and how he’s handling job searching. He figures since James and I are pretty close that we talk and know how each other are doing.

But I told him I haven’t spoken to him for awhile and joked that he sees him more than I do since they’re working with each other still. He was like, “oh … umm, okay” and pretended to laugh.

So I’m going to try and come home early tomorrow and see how much I can help him.

Playing with the Forgotten Toy
My friend Nat text me last week asking if we could do dinner, but she didn’t know I moved to a new work location since last year. So she said we’ll “reschedule” which means I won’t hear from her probably until June when her birthday comes around.

Somehow she has time still to hangout with other friends, just it’s different when it comes to me.

I don’t understand  where I am with her, always unsure of how good friends we really are. We always end up doing this to each other and I don’t understand why. I’m going to try and talk to her if we I ever see her, which I know won’t be for awhile.

Knowing her she probably knows I want to.

Let’s Get It Off My Chest
I’m never sure where I stand with people actually, I could be talking to a friend on a weekly basis and the next thing you know, we stop talking and don’t see each other for months.

When it boils down I like to spend time with friends, whether it be a simple 5 minute call or spending a couple of hours hanging out.

I know I bug people about keeping in touch, just from experience I know it’s easy not to and that we push it off to the side. But then that becomes routine and we get accustomed to it and then we stop trying.

I remember asking a friend of mine, James, what would happen if we stopped talking or hanging out with each other, I remember his reply was that it would basically suck.

It’s ironic in the sense that it’s like this now with him, we don’t talk to each other anymore … we don’t hangout with each other anymore unless it’s some event that brings us together. 

I remember asking my co-worker about this guy we both know, he’s pretty close with him. At that time he hadn’t seen him for about a month, so he replied with he wasn’t sure.

No joke, an hour later he calls my co-worker saying he’s bored and wants to hangout in front of his yard. They decide to grab dinner later on and my co-worker invited me to go because we were working late.

But it was him and a group of his friends, so I told him I would take a rain check and please tell him I said hi. They hung out again last Sunday and ate at King Taco.

I look at my co-worker and his friendship with him, they make it so easy. They’re really close and still hangout with each other, while both being in relationships. It’s like they’re capable of having their own lives

I look around at other people I know, and they make it look easy as well, and I wonder why it isn’t easy with my friend James or Nat or whomever.

Before James and I would grab something to eat every month, it was like our monthly thing. Or we would chat online for a little bit just to see how each of us are doing.

Right now it just feels like a one way street, like he’s not too concerned. I mean he’ll hangout with people at work and make time with them, but he’s somehow too busy whenever it comes to our friendship.

Somehow it’s always with his girlfriend, or work, or school .. etc.. Yeah I understand that, but other people are like that too, but they still make time somehow.

I don’t know, our friendship hasn’t been the same. Maybe I’m pushing him into something he doesn’t want, that as long as he has a girlfriend that’s all that really matters in his life.

I just feel more distant with him these days, I mean people at work know more about how he’s doing, what he’s been up to with his girlfriend, and even some personal stuff.

It’s funny to me because almost everyone there knows what’s going on with each other. But if you don’t work there, they can’t really talk about it because it’s private.

Like if I’m talking to someone, they won’t say anything until I mention it, then they’ll start talking about it. Kind of reminds me when I was in high school.

Who knows, I’m just getting things off my chest. I could be completely wrong about all this and over-analyzing again, it’s just been bugging me these days.

Hopefully he doesn’t know how I feel right now, because it’s embarrassing to talk about this. Do I wish I could just call him and ask if he wants to go to Micro Center and hangout or call Nat up asking if she could help me find a guy to date?

He says he cares because I remember what he wrote on my birthday card, guess it’s like I’m losing my best friend.

It’s his life and it’s his decision on how he keeps in touch, can’t really change him, well I guess that’s what girlfriends are for according to another co-worker. I think it’s me getting older and seeing my parents go out these days with their friends.

I’m like am I going to be that lucky, 5 .. 10 .. 20 years from now … are people like Nat, James, and others still going to be there. Or are they going to be faded memories.

Damn, who knew friendship was this much work ….. it’s not easy is it or is it and I’m just making it complicated like everything else in my life?

The Future of Moments Of Randomness
I’ve been seriously thinking about this blog … I love writing and it’s like therapy for me. I get things off my chest and it provides me a different viewpoint from people who comment. I know I can’t continue writing forever, hell I can’t be 40 and still be blogging.

So when can I stop or should I? I know there’s like only 2 people who come and actually read this, I don’t really care about the number of people coming… this is just me writing and sharing my experiences to the world. Anyone is invited to come and enjoy the ride.

Would it really matter if I stop writing? Would it change anything between us? Do you think?

This isn’t my last post yet … but maybe it’s time? Maybe .. maybe ……….

– A

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Entry filed under: Gay, Life, Personal, Thoughts.

The Rejected Status You Can Lead A Horse To Water …..

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About Me

The short version: Guy in his late-20's, loves technology (especially Apple) and his close friends, eating ice cream on his bright yellow couch and finally .. I'm gay.

But you can read the long version HERE

Quotes Of The Day

- "In the end, every relationship needs maintenance …Whether it’s the smallest gesture …or just picking up back where you left off. The bottom line is that if you care about someone, it’s pretty easy to make the sacrifice."

- J.D. (From Scrubs)

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