Conclusions

October.9.2008 at 11:49 pm Leave a comment

10/09/2008

Dear Journal,

It’s been day’s since I’ve written … and I’ve started drafts, but everytime I do something prevents me from finishing it.

Having this blog was suppose to be an outlet for me … an outlet to release my frustrations, to work things out in my personal life, and share my personal experiences.

But I feel like it’s not working out anymore, it’s not helping me as much as I wanted it to. I don’t even see the point of writing anymore, so I’ve been thinking long and hard whether I should continue this.

It’s been a great learning experience for me and this blog will be here forever. I mean I could be 50 and still look back at this portion of my life.

Even the posts I’ve locked, thankfully it’s easy for me to remember what my password is for those.

I’m still thinking long and hard about it though, because I don’t want to regret this decision out of haste or anger.

Just writing and having my life so public is odd when I come to think of it. I’m a pretty private guy in real life and keep to myself most of the time, exceptions are those close to me.

I have a hard time trusting anyone, it’s hard when people give you reasons not to. Which is probably why I never really talk about myself or what’s going on with me.

I think it’s a defense mechanism to keep people away, which in turn means I don’t have to get close to them nor start to trust them.

But once you do start building that trust … it’s hard as hell to go backwards.

It’s like those exits in the parking lot with spikes, “Do Not Backup … Severe Tire Damage”. You’ll pay a heavy toll if you do try and backup .. things get damaged and it’ll take time to repair.

But I think once you finally do build that trust, it’s a wonderful sensation. To finally have someone to confide in, to talk about anything without worrying what they’ll think of you, and not have to make excuses up to hide your true intentions.

But sometimes the value of a relationship declines as each lie is told and as each secret is kept.

Anyways, this post isn’t my final one … not by a long shot. I’ve just been thinking about it though … it’s been on my mind for awhile now … 

– A

 

 

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Entry filed under: General, Life, Personal, Thoughts.

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About Me

The short version: Guy in his late-20's, loves technology (especially Apple) and his close friends, eating ice cream on his bright yellow couch and finally .. I'm gay.

But you can read the long version HERE

Quotes Of The Day

- "In the end, every relationship needs maintenance …Whether it’s the smallest gesture …or just picking up back where you left off. The bottom line is that if you care about someone, it’s pretty easy to make the sacrifice."

- J.D. (From Scrubs)

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