No … Stop It

September.12.2008 at 11:49 pm Leave a comment

09/12/2008

Dear Journal,

It was weird last night …

There was someone on top of me … a guy I think. I was lying on the ground while he was holding me down with his two hands, making sure I wouldn’t be able to get up.

It felt like this heavy weight upon my chest, enough that I had trouble breathing.

I tried loosening his grip by squirming around without success, “No .. stop it … no … stop”, as I yelled hoping someone would hear my cries of help.

As I continued to try and push him off … fear started to creep into my mind as I stared at his face. It looked like he was amused … smiling as he continued to hold me down.

All I wanted to do was push him off and get away …

“Noooo”, I said forcefully as I finally pushed his hands off my chest. I suddenly wake up … in my apartment … in my bed … laying there … staring at the ceiling in the dark, with my clock shining an eerie green glow across the room.

To realize the hands I felt that were holding me down were my own. They were laying there like a piece of paper, but in my dream it felt like an enormous weight on my chest.

I turned to my left to see what time it was, thinking it was 2 or 3 in the morning …

12:33 a.m. … I’ve only been asleep for 30 minutes. But the dream felt like hours passed.

I turned back onto my bed and went to sleep. When I woke up in the morning I tried recalling what the guy looked like … maybe my mind was playing tricks.

But it almost looked like someone I knew … James … but not quite. I was trying to interpret my dream .. if it was him … is he holding me back from achieving something? Or am I somehow doing that?

This dream was different than ones I’ve had before because I heard myself say, “No”, out-loud. It’s odd to hear yourself when you’re dreaming; it felt more like a nightmare.

– A

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Entry filed under: General, Personal, Thoughts.

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About Me

The short version: Guy in his late-20's, loves technology (especially Apple) and his close friends, eating ice cream on his bright yellow couch and finally .. I'm gay.

But you can read the long version HERE

Quotes Of The Day

- "In the end, every relationship needs maintenance …Whether it’s the smallest gesture …or just picking up back where you left off. The bottom line is that if you care about someone, it’s pretty easy to make the sacrifice."

- J.D. (From Scrubs)

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