Lunch With The Crush

I had lunch today with my Crush, granted it was just hanging out with him. Still, it was interesting though. The most shocking part was when I was walking to the restaurant and heard my name being shouted quite loudly, haha. At first I thought she was calling someone, so I continued walking, but heard my name being called again. I turn around to realize it was my friend, “C”,

My initial reaction was, “What the hell are you doing around these parts of town?”. It was surprising to see her there because I didn’t think she knew the area that I was in. I went to say, “Hi” to her and talked for a minute or so, but quickly had to go because I was running a bit late with my Crush.

My nerves were getting the best of me, which I don’t understand. I mean, it was just lunch … it wasn’t like I was going to do anything with him, haha. Nervousness settled in while I was driving there, but it was better than I expected, let’s say that. There were moments where we didn’t really talk, just ate our food. So during that time I was thinking of things to ask / talk about. We never really got into the topic of, “Relationships” though, I wanted to ask … but couldn’t think of a way to steer towards that direction.

After we finished eating, the bill came and he grabbed that thing faster than I could whip out my wallet. I didn’t want him to pay for our lunch at all, my original plan was for ME to pay, not him. I kept on bugging him about it and finally gave up and let him pay. I thought maybe I could cover the tip, but again … he got it. I told him next time it would be on me, haha! So it was really thoughtful of him to do that. I seem to always be the bitch in the relationship, never the man. Probably end up being the bottom too, ha!

We talked a little in the parking lot, thanked for him lunch, told him, “I’ll see you tomorrow!” and left. Truth be told, I don’t know what I’m doing with him and still, gay or not gay? If he isn’t, I’ll have a new acquaintance (not a friend yet, just an acquaintance) to hang out / talk to. If he is gay … then I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with him. He’s such a sweet guy, thoughtful and really listens when we talk.

The crush that I had on him doesn’t seem to exist anymore, I guess I’m trying to say that there doesn’t seem to be any chemistry between us. Maybe I’m just jumping the gun and should give this some time. I’m looking at this from the viewpoint that he’s gay, but I don’t know that about him. So as an acquaintance … he’s a cool person to hang out with. But as someone I would date … I honestly don’t know what I see in him.

Still … now when I think about it … am I even looking for a relationship or just someone to be there, so I won’t feel alone. It’s confusing me and the way I react to these problems is to avoid it and bury myself in work. This is hurting my head, haha. Why must this be so complicated? Everyone else makes it so easy … I must be doing something wrong, ha! We haven’t made any plans to hang out again, I’m going to see if HE makes the move now. Whether or not he does … time can only tell.

Feburary is coming up soon … Valentines already!? Another work week begins, happy happy joy joy … happy happy joy joy!

- A